Friday.....Friday.....Friday

   Do you remember the days when Friday meant fun, no more responsibility, friends, staying up late and sleeping even later the next day?
   Wow, do times change.
   The build up to Friday has changed...or has it?
   My favorite thing about Friday these days, in an ideal circumstance, is sitting down, enjoying a meal, having a glass of wine, and going to bed early.
   It looks drastically different from five years ago, ten years ago, fifteen years ago, and CRINGE, twenty.
   The funny thing is, though the plan has changed, the fundamentals have not.
   I still look forward to Friday and the end of a school week.
   I still look forward to less pressure Saturday morning.
   I still exhale deeply at 3:30 when school lets out.

   So what has changed?
   Me.
   Weekends in my mind have always been about recharging.  I don't mean laziness, lolling around in pajamas the entire time, but rather, having a less hectic, less immediate timetable to follow.
   I'm not one of those parents who believe programming my children to death is the answer. I'm the opposite actually, though I do find myself racing them around more than I'd like.  I also have to acknowledge that I was once a kid and always wanted something to do.  And if my memory serves me correctly, I was one of those kids that always had an event on the calendar.
   I know, and have been told countless times, that this season of life is short.  That I understand.  I'm able to look back and see how quickly my children have grown, how rapidly twenty years passes by.  I'm fully and on occasion painfully aware.  The thing is, I'm not sure the best way to weather the season I'm in.  I know some day soon, I won't get snuggles when I drop my kids off, they'll likely want me to drop them at the door and drive away quickly, so the association between us is minimized.  We've all been in that moment and the reality, though harsh, is nearly on my door step.
   I guess what I'm saying is, how do I keep my head above water, when lolling around in my pajamas or oh so comfy sweats, is simply not an option.
   How do I recharge and prepare for another week that has a packed schedule and is too often double booked?   
   How do I care for myself, when it is my primary job to care for everyone else?
   Is this a question that every mother asks?
  I'll acknowledge and openly confess, I'm terrible at caring for myself.  I sacrifice and volunteer myself until I think I may explode, and that moment is not pretty.  I feel guilty when I can't do it all for everyone, and at the same time I am upset with myself for believing I have to at all cost.  And that cost is almost always me. 
   I don't know if any of you out there find yourself in the same spinning boat as me, but if you are, I'm sorry, I understand your feelings. I want to say-give yourself a break, though it's never that easy.
   The best thing you can do for you, and for your family is take time for yourself.  
    A dear, sweet, and always knowledgeable friend shouted at me (with a flare of colorful language only she could pull off) through the telephone line this week.  She said nothing I hadn't heard before, but it was good to hear and the perfect timing of her words were effective.  (Thank you, lovely lady.  We must speak more often!)
   
   Okay, I need to wrap this up.
   I don't have the answers, obviously!  I probably won't find any way to minimize my over-scheduled life in the coming days, weeks, or months.  I'll survive.  I know this because I have been.
Sometimes we don't need things to change, we just need to know we're not the only one with the feelings.
Sometimes it's okay to say, "I can't" or "sorry, no", other times it's acceptable to cancel or reschedule.  
It's also more than alright, to sit quietly in the corner, to avoid the conversations buzzing around, if it means you can center yourself in the midst of the crazy-business that is your life.

   Hmm, so it's not a top ten and maybe it's all too much to start your weekend with, but it is what it is!  This weekend, I'm going to look for the simple in the crazy.  Maybe that means having a family sing along as we shuttle our young kings wherever they need to be, or a robot-dance-off, which isn't uncommon in Crazyville.  Next week, I'm going to skip out on my mother duties and treat myself to some time with my ladies.  
   I'm going to do my best to remind myself, I'm important too. 

Happy Happy Friday!